Yesterday I saw the Star Wars movie. I have a few things to say about it.

First, let me just say that it was one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Rivaled only by Tomb Raider, and Episode I of the star wars triology.

Second, I can't believe that the critics are being so nice to Lucas. Is he really that powerful in Hollywood, that even the movie critics are scared to call a spade a spade?

Okay, here's my rundown:

Visually -- this movie is outstanding. The sets, costumes and special effects are outstanding.
Dialouge -- on a scale of 1 - 10... negative 30. The lines are completely unbelievable, shallow, and just plain stupid. No person in this galaxy or any other would say the things that these characters say to each other.
Storyline -- There was one? In 2 1/2 hours what I gathered was... Annikan's Mom dies, the senate gives power to some guy, and war breaks out. Oh... and a couple of cheesy teenagers fall in "love".

More specifically...

Annikan/Darth Vader -- he's nothing more than a bratty teenager. His acting is atrocious. If he's such a great Jedi with all this talent, why the hell does he drop his light saber every chance he gets. All I ever saw him do with the "force" is float an apple off of Padme's plate... He treats his mentor with disrespect, questions his every decision, and bad mouths him behind his back. Real Jedi apprentices wouldn't do that! They would have learned respect for their Elders, and above all would have learned RESTRAINT when these feelings of teen angst come upon them. And then in the next sentence he says that Obi Wan is like a father to him... I don't get it!

Padme -- Okay I really have some serious issues with this charcter. And let me just say up front that I really like Natalie Portman... Why is this senator so important? Why if there are 100's (maybe 1000's) of other senators is her one vote so important? I mean, we've established that her home planet is a small insignificant planet in the scheme of things. So why all the fuss about her. Why all the plotting and scheming to assasinate her? AND... if she is so important, why would anyone in this senate accept the infinitely hate-able Jar Jar Binks as her replacement? Completely and Utterly unbelievable. Now if Padme is so important, I want to see her character AND especially her dialouge make her a PEER of the chancellor guy, or even the bad guy that is organizing the breakaway republic. Instead her character is a typical teenager saying stupid things and hanging out with a spoiled brat, loser, Jedi apprentice. It just doesn't make sense. And what's with all the costume changes? It just portrays a person who is totally obsessed with her looks rather than anything of substance. This is not the normal behaviour of a revered Senator.

The Gladiator Rip-off Scene -- Someone explain this to me. This clandestine alliance is going to great lengths to assasinate Padme in secret. Wants her dead but doesn't want anyone to know who did it. Then when she's captured they decide to go ahead and publicly kill her in an arena along with 2 Jedi Knights in front of thousands of witnesses. This logic is NOT LOGIC! (and by the way... the movie 'Gladiator' was a million times better with the gladiator scens! Hell, even Spartacus was better!)

Same Damn Scenes in EVERY movie -- A bar scene with a bunch of weird characters where a Jedi does a "mind control" trick and the scene ends with a light saber and a new amputee. C3PO getting his body parts seperated but continues to talk in his English butler schtick. R2D2 plugging into the nearest port and saving the day. A gettaway that ends on a narrow platform with an elevator door closing behind the heroes. One of the main characters getting their hand/arm cut off, and ending up with a "bionic" replacement. I'VE SEEN IT ALL BEFORE! Give me something new!

Chronological Inconsistencies -- Okay everyone agrees that the "Silver Bullet" ship that Annikan (why is his nickname 'annie') and Padme cruise the galaxy in is WAY cooler than that octogan ship that Vader ends up with in the 4th episode, not to mention the x-wing fighters. Why in this movie do they have all the hover-craft up in the air (i.e. ripping off 'the fifth element') when in the 4th, 5th, and 6th episodes they don't have that?

Mechanical Deficiencies -- These people can build clone armies, can build hover craft, can jump into hyper space... hell they can levitate objects and fight with light sabers.... so why do they build these army transports with 4 mechanical legs that move like a lame dog? And why can't they make hand-cuffs that can't be "picked" with a paper clip by a senator? Also, don't they have some sort of Internet? Why does Obi Wan have to go to the New York Public Library to do research on a star system? I mean R2D2 can plug into any access port anywhere in the galaxy and control everything from cloning assembly lines to trash compactors on prison levels, but Obi Wan can't login from home? Oh, and on a planet that is all water and rain... why does Obi Wan have to park his ship out in the rain, and walk to the door? They don't have covered parking? PUH-LEEZE!

Well... I could go on for hours about this. The bottom line is that George Lucas hasn't made a decent movie since "Empire Strikes Back". He insults our intelligence with his sophmoric story lines, repeat scenes, and dialouge that a 5th grader could write. He knows that anything with the "Star Wars" name on it will attract millions of viewers because we are all hoping, begging, pleading, praying that he can repeat the magic that was the original star wars. And yet time after time he lets us down. George Lucas is a has-been. He's a one (maybe two) hit wonder. He's arrogant, and condescending. I know this because of the insult he gave me under the guise of a movie. Please George, do us all a favor, and get proffessional help!